Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hi everyone!
Im done with chemo!!  June 15th was the last day, after 17 cycles (8 hrs a day 5 days in a row) and 6 weeks of radiation.  I really cant express how surreal it is to be done.  It hits me a little more each day, especially after how horrible this round was on my body.

On the last day my nurses, doctors, and parents threw a little party in my room.  My grandma even made it in to congratulate me.  There was a cake (for the nurses) xmas lights and tears.  My dad gave me a necklace of the Hindu god of new beginnings, Ganesha.  Typing this now makes me tear up a little because I really will miss my nurses even though I'm so happy to be done.  They really were such amazing selfless people that have taken care of me.  They helped save my life, literally,  but were also there to talk to and cheer me up.  I hope they know how much I appreciate them.

  Since the first day of this cycle I have been throwing up constantly and my body is soo weak.  I really don't think my body could tolerate another cycle anyway.  I got pretty scared this time because of how weak i felt.  getting up and going into another room would make me feel dizzy and like i was either going to have a heart attack or faint due to low counts, dehydration, and a high heart rate.  You know all normal stuff! I got another neutropenic fever and spent almost a week in the hospital which was pretty hard since I'm just so antsy to have a life now and get a little bit of a summer.  My counts finally went up after 3 units of blood and i was free to leave.  Finally free!   Unfortunately, I started having blurry vision  and one of my pupils was completely dilated.  The doctors freaked out and thought I was having a stroke.  (One of my doctors names was Sayid which is my friends cat's name) so I was given the crushing news I had to stay and have brain MRIs and have neurologists look at me which broke my heart.  I don't think the anyone really got why i was so upset but after being trapped in this cancer world for more then a year all i have done is focus on the end.  Thank god i wasn't having a stroke it was a side effect from an anti-nausea patch called a Scopolamine patch which goes under your ear and i must have rubbed my eye after touching it.  I was finally released yesterday.  I still am sick and got a fever again today but will hopefully be up for walking around a little tomorrow.

  I am dying to start my life!!!  I want to do everything.  Im realistic and know that there is a chance that the cancer will come back.  Im kind of in a rush to do as may epic things as possible asap and get the most I can out of life while I'm here.  I want to travel, I want to switch careers to something that helps other people, I want to have my own family someday.  I really just want to live fearlessly and get the most out of everyday.

  In other news my eyebrows and eyelashes have noticeably started to grow back today!!  I am so excited about this.  Its a sign of new beginnings! Coming out of this hell of year i feel like a completely different person.  Im excited to get back to ny and celebrate with my friends and then a trip to california before my surgery.  I attribute my survival thus far to friends and family.  Im a firm believer that the environment that surrounds you really makes all the difference in your energy and drive.  I really dont think I would have made it without them.  I'll never be able to fully express how much I love everyone thats helped me get through this year.  I know that no one will ever really be able to understand what I've been through but the smallest gestures of kindness have made all the difference to me.  The bonds I've made with all sorts of people have made life worth living.  I wouldn't trade that for the world.  I've been blown away by the outpouring of support and love.  In a world where such cruel unfair things happen, this alone has me really excited to be alive knowing that such love exists.